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| Cavan's notes from church |
And so here are my Sunday Confessions:
#1) I actually considered talking my husband into trying out for The Amazing Race this weekend. The auditions were just a few miles away. The idea of running around the world with the man I love, in hopes of winning a huge chunk of money, sounded VERY appealing. But it would've been seeking an escape from my amazing, God-given race...which I am truly thankful for.
#2) I thwarted my Bible reading plan several times this week by getting up early and then checking email before reading my Bible---AHHH--why do I do these things !!??!!
#3) I stayed up really late reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp because it is...well...Beautiful.
But now I am too tired to stay focused on being thankful (for those of you--aka--the rest of the world--who are also reading this book). Clearly not a great choice when it comes to redeeming the moments or letting the Holy Spirit move my heart.
#4) I struggled with contentment on multiple occasions. Dreamed of the days when I could sit down and write or read or even get a shower without asking someone every 20 minutes if they have "dry pants".
#5) I threw away Someone's "not dry pants" (and that is an understatement). My Little Someone has a virus...and that combined with potty training is...well...yuck. I washed out the first few pairs of underwear for Ma on Little House on the Prairie and my Mennonite-by-marriage-heritage--but that last one...
wow...I just couldn't do it.
Into the garbage can it went...
#7) I fell into martyr mode--all of the crew seemed to need something ALWAYS and I was tired of being their go-to girl.
#8) I crammed the red velvet cake into a spot where it clearly did not fit, so the refrigerator was left open overnight and we lost groceries. I then considered blaming it on one of the Chuppies. But I knew it was mostly likely me.
#9) I made our daughter cry. I was frustrated with the effort that it takes to surmount her dyslexia issues and I made my frustration clear through many sighs of impatience. I had to ask for her forgiveness. I keep thinking I'm past this point, but every once in a while the...well...let's be real...
it's sin...
That sin resurfaces.
I know--it's embarrassing.
#11) I was jealous--of those with more time, with more freedom...of those with less laundry.
Even of Ann Voskamp and her poet-ic-ness.
#12) I threw away a pair of sunglasses.
Because I'd asked for them to be put away three times.
I could see the "rats in the cellar"
creeping out to play.
If you want to meet them look here.
#13) I started Ann Voskamp's book with a bit of pride in my heart...
Surely I couldn't possibly enjoy something that was becoming so trendy?
But I found--that it spoke to me deeply--and that I need and want to be more thankful. The book goes beyond being trendy. Gratitude in all circumstances means letting God do a huge work of transformation. It also means truly believing that God is good at all times. Even when life swells with painful loss...even when Selah died. Thank you Ann. I did notice the smell of the coffee grounds this evening as I pre-set our pot for 6am.
In my heart I complained about the dust and chaos and work it created.
When he pulled up the carpet and found a bit of mold under the carpet pad...
It was also the moldy selfishness festering in my heart.
#15) I needed 1 John 1:9:
"If we confess our sins,
He is faithful and just
to forgive us our sins
and to cleanse us from
all unrighteousness."
As Anne of Green Gables would say,
"isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day
with no mistakes in it yet?"
with no mistakes in it yet?"
Or as God has said,
"Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith,
with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience
and our bodies washed with pure water.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering,
for He who promised is faithful."
~Hebrew 10:22-23
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| Colson's notes from church |
