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| Photo by Chris Sharp |
She said: "No--Sesame Street."
I said: "How about Jesus Loves Me?"
She said: "No--Sesame Street."
I said: "I'm not sure I remember how to sing Sesame Street...how about Jesus Loves Me?"
She said: "Stop it!"
I said: "You may not say 'Stop it' to Mommy."
Mind you.
She's only 20 months old and has never even watched Sesame Street.
Not that I'm anti-Sesame Street or anything--
In fact, now I can't stop trying to mentally sing past:
"Sunny days....sweeping the clouds a way..."
Earlier today our boys went over to play at a friends' house.
I picked them up close to dinner time and for the first time that I can remember in our parenting history--
When it was time to go--
They hid from me.
They thought they were being funny.
I clearly did not think it was funny.
Hiding at pick-up time is something I've (maybe even pridefully) frowned upon when it has happened to other parents.
Not only did they hide from me.
They then proceeded to climb in the car without even a hint of a "thank you".
And one actually got in the van and honked the horn at me while I stood talking, saying my own goodbyes.
Thankfully--my friend is a kindred spirit.
A forgiving friend who loves our kiddos close to as much as I do.
In fact--whether she knows it or not--she's high up on the list to "inherit" them if anything ever happens to Jason and me simultaneously.
All that aside.
I was livid.
Frustrated.
Discouraged.
Embarrassed.
Humbled.
I know they could do much worse...and that I'm tired after 10 days stuck at home with sick kiddos.
But for some reason...on this day, it hit me hard.
We drove home slowly.
And I was very quiet.
And I said the dreaded words:
"I need you two to go inside and wait for me up in my room".
I purposefully took time in unpacking the car and getting dinner started...
And prayed.
Sorting through if I was angry because I was embarrassed, or sad because of the ingratitude and disobedience I'd seen in their hearts.
Probably both.
I then phoned my friend and told her to expect a call from the boys.
The boys and I had a long conversation--
About being selfish.
And ungrateful.
And rude.
And thankfully, with God's help, it was very calm and kind and sincere--
And deep...it hit them in a deep place.
That place that every parent hopes to reach.
They were broken.
I could tell they truly were.
Seeing the way their actions had an impact.
And their tears were real.
And I felt a renewed tenderness towards them--
Compassion for them.
My anger dissolved.
When they were ready--which actually took quite a while--
After several attempts of calls cancelled through choked back tears--
They did call.
And they struggled through apologies.
They were embarrassed.
And sad.
And sorry.
And then--because of who my friend is--
They were forgiven.
And I watched the weight lift as I heard my friend's muffled voice saying...
"I forgive you"
How thankful I am for those words.
Because I am frequently selfish.
And ungrateful.
And rude.
How thankful I am that I can come broken to my Father.
And through tears say--
"I'm sorry. Forgive me."
And His answer will always be:
"Through the blood of Christ--
Yes.
I do.
I forgive you."
Today was a good reminder that I want to be on my knees often--
Praying for the hearts of our children.
And that I want to be on my knees often--
Thanking God for His unchanging love,
No matter how humbling my childish attitudes and actions might be.
No matter how many times I fail to live up to His standards.
The heart of My Father is ready to forgive.
I just had to pause writing this post because our youngest was calling from upstairs...
Funny thing is...
The first thing she said when I walked in the room was...
"Sing... Jesus Loves Me"
And so we did...
because:
Jesus loves me this I know.
And "His kindness is meant to lead us to repentance..." (Romans 2:4).
Tonight--I am thankful for my friend's forgiveness...
But also that God is "good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to who call upon (Him)" (Psalm 85: 5).
