Which Battle Is It?

*photo credit

I usually fight against it--
This bent of
Me and Mine.
Because really it's--
Self-seeking.
Self-serving.
Self-focused.
Too much self in self-protection.
So I--
Wage war against the old ways,
Weeding out,
Wading through,
Wanting to--
Look out for others.

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Because He did it,
That One who--
Emptied Himself,
Denied Himself,
Gave up Himself,
For me,
At His Cross.

*photo credit

But today I grapple with
The boundary-drawing-guilt.
What-motivation-built--
This fear of fencing in my needs?
I cringe to pen those words.
Too much my
Is what I've heard.
Is it guilt-from-Him seizing?
Or because I like the others-pleasing--
"Yes" ?
I've seen His strength provide,
When my heart to Him has cried--
I cannot.
A good place to stop.
My limits,
Him limitless.

But when I've written to the paper's edge--
No margins left to hedge,
Crowded, illegible scribbles...
Is that what He sees within This whirl of din?

I want those growing-up-too-fast-kids to remember:
--a singing mama
--a smiling mama
--a slow-down-and-really-see mama.




So when things,
Or I...
Start the frantic-frazzled-frenzy--
When I'm living "Hurry! Hurry!"
Is it because I need more--
Room?
To find that less is best?
Or that I need more Him--
To find that He gives rest?

*photo credit

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Which battle am I in?
Trusting Him for strength?
Or in humanity, remembering--
The intentional, prayerful, pause,
Can please Him as He draws
My heart in sync with His.
Still wrestling with
This tension.