We've been so thankful for all of the support in this round of the adoption process...
I know we haven't been communicating much after the last two adoption matches fell through...
I'll admit that honestly it felt very confusing...we have been so drawn towards adoption...and after Selah died we even felt more sure of our decision to pursue adoption for a second time.
But in the last month we've seen possible reasons for the timing of all this.
We had a couple medical concerns come up with one of our kiddos that have required some testing this month. We had a retest last Wed. for one medical issue and heard on Thursday that the results were normal--which was so HUGE! I still feel overwhelmed with thankfulness.
I think because this is all so close to the time that everything started with Selah's medical concerns, it has made the whole thing a little more emotional (especially for me). God, in His goodness, knew that it would be very difficult for us to be flying out to pick up a baby right in the middle of figuring out medical issues with our other little one.
We also know in a very real way, that there are no guarantees about life...that concerns may in fact be serious. In some ways, that is a very good thing...because it causes us to live with an appreciation of each day as a gift... but for me, it has also meant facing the battle against fear and worry again...which is really a lack of trust in who God is and His love and faithfulness.
The medical concerns weren't extremely scary or anything...but once again...I found myself praying "I believe...but help me in my unbelief". We have experienced God as sufficient. He was with us last April and He has walked closely with us this whole year. It amazes me how quickly I give in to fear and forget to "take every thought captive" and to trust God, who has proved Himself real, faithful and strong.
We do have one more test on March 25th up at Doernbecher for a different medical issue. Again--not a big, huge thing. And although I'm feeling a little nervous about being back up at the hospital, God has already shown us extra glimpses of His love. Dr. Windy, who was Selah's dr. emailed just this week and asked if she could meet us in the lobby to go with us to the floor we need to find.
So... for now, we're temporarily "on hold" in the adoption process and we hope to reactivate in the next month or so (Lord willing). I also wonder if He doesn't want to let us get through the anniversary of Selah's death. We don't anticipate that day being tons more difficult that any other, but we also didn't at all imagine how hard her birthday would be for us. I fully believe, that often He knows better than we do what we're going to need.
We are so thankful for all of you who have been so faithful to pray for our family...to share in our joys and our tears. Just thought I'd share....
Love,
K
